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Every Houseplant in My Apartment Is Now Named After a Traffic Incident, and My Plant-Sitter Deserves a Raise
Experiments

Every Houseplant in My Apartment Is Now Named After a Traffic Incident, and My Plant-Sitter Deserves a Raise

I outsourced the naming of my entire plant collection to my city's morning traffic report, because I have the naming creativity of a wet paper towel. Now my fern is legally 'Sig Alert' and my plant-sitter thinks I'm having a breakdown. An investigation into what happens when botanical care meets real-time highway chaos.
Check Engine, Check Vibes: I Used My Dashboard Warning Lights as a Tarot Deck for 30 Days
Experiments

Check Engine, Check Vibes: I Used My Dashboard Warning Lights as a Tarot Deck for 30 Days

What started as a joke about my Honda's cryptic dashboard symbols turned into a full month of consulting the Sacred Lights before dates, meetings, and Costco runs. The results? My gut feelings are unreliable, my check engine light is a prophet, and I owe my car an apology.
Quest Accepted: I Treated Every HOA Violation Letter Like a Side Mission and Beat the Game
Workplace

Quest Accepted: I Treated Every HOA Violation Letter Like a Side Mission and Beat the Game

For one month, I treated my HOA's passive-aggressive violation notices like quest objectives in an open-world video game. Spoiler: I found a flamingo-shaped loophole in the CC&Rs and accidentally befriended the final boss.
The Algorithm Fed Me: Seven Days of Eating Exclusively at Yelp's Highest-Rated Spots Within Walking Distance of My Couch
Experiments

The Algorithm Fed Me: Seven Days of Eating Exclusively at Yelp's Highest-Rated Spots Within Walking Distance of My Couch

I surrendered my appetite to the wisdom of strangers and let star ratings dictate breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a full week. The results included a transcendent taqueria, a suspicious 'fusion bistro,' and one glowing Shell station hot dog that changed me as a person.
Compliance Report: Seven Days Obeying My Apartment Building's Group Text Like It Was the Federal Government
Experiments

Compliance Report: Seven Days Obeying My Apartment Building's Group Text Like It Was the Federal Government

For one full week, I treated every message in my building's group text as a legally binding directive. The results include a taco epiphany, a 6 a.m. wellness crisis, and a deep spiritual bond with eleven strangers I've never made eye contact with in the elevator.
Two Stars, Would Not Live With Again: The Fridge Review That Started a Domestic Cold War
Experiments

Two Stars, Would Not Live With Again: The Fridge Review That Started a Domestic Cold War

What happens when you rate your roommate like a summer blockbuster — star system, pull quotes, spoiler warnings and all — and staple it to the fridge? A review embargo, a counter-review, and a kitchen that neither party will enter after dark. Here is the full incident report.
Mustard, Mayhem, and Mediocrity: My Hour as a Competitive Eater Ended in Defeat and Regret
Experiments

Mustard, Mayhem, and Mediocrity: My Hour as a Competitive Eater Ended in Defeat and Regret

I signed up for the county fair's pie-and-dog eating championship with zero training, a nap-based strategy, and misplaced confidence. Here's my minute-by-minute descent into glory-adjacent mediocrity.
Case File: The Flamingo at Center of My Neighborhood's Message Board Wars
Workplace

Case File: The Flamingo at Center of My Neighborhood's Message Board Wars

I spent 30 days monitoring my HOA's community message board and what I found would make a detective weep. From trash can timelines to an 'unauthorized flamingo situation,' nobody in this subdivision is safe from suspicion.
Position Filled? I Ran a Formal Hiring Process for the Fuzzy Deadweight Sleeping on My Face
Experiments

Position Filled? I Ran a Formal Hiring Process for the Fuzzy Deadweight Sleeping on My Face

My cat contributes nothing to this household, so I did what any unhinged American would do: I made him apply for his own job. Resume, references, salary negotiation in treats, and a performance review he slept through. Here's the full hiring file.
Dressed by the HOA: Seven Days of Khakis, Compliance, and Unearned Confidence
Experiments

Dressed by the HOA: Seven Days of Khakis, Compliance, and Unearned Confidence

I handed my wardrobe over to my HOA board president for one week, and she treated my closet like a code violation. Here's what I learned about myself, beige, and the crushing power of a well-pleated chino.
My New Life Coach Is a Self-Checkout Machine and Honestly She's Doing Great
Experiments

My New Life Coach Is a Self-Checkout Machine and Honestly She's Doing Great

For seven days, I outsourced every moral dilemma to the Kroger self-checkout kiosk and its rotating cast of error messages. Turns out 'Unexpected Item in Bagging Area' hits harder than a therapist with a co-pay.
Democracy Is a Mistake: I Handed My Life's Decisions to a Group Chat and They Chose Violence
Experiments

Democracy Is a Mistake: I Handed My Life's Decisions to a Group Chat and They Chose Violence

Seven days of outsourcing every decision to a 9-person group chat vote left me in socks with sandals, eating a gas station hot dog for lunch, and emailing my boss the word 'perchance.' Here's my full incident report on decision fatigue, crowd-sourced chaos, and the slow death of free will.
Exhibit A: The Week I Stopped Fighting Autocorrect and Let My Phone Destroy My Reputation
Experiments

Exhibit A: The Week I Stopped Fighting Autocorrect and Let My Phone Destroy My Reputation

For seven days, I sent every text exactly as my phone intended — no corrections, no mercy, no dignity. My boss got 'duck,' my mother-in-law got worse, and my group chat opened a formal investigation. Here's the full damage report, ranked by casualty count.
A Field Guide to Your Fellow Economy Class Passengers: Habitats, Threat Levels, and How to Survive Until Landing
Workplace

A Field Guide to Your Fellow Economy Class Passengers: Habitats, Threat Levels, and How to Survive Until Landing

Every flight is a six-hour study in human behavior, and your seatmates are the subjects. A mock-scientific breakdown of the six core archetypes of air travel — their behaviors, their danger levels, and your best survival strategies at 30,000 feet.
Seven Days Under Plastic Ball Rule: What Happens When a Toy From Spencer's Gifts Becomes Your Life Coach
Experiments

Seven Days Under Plastic Ball Rule: What Happens When a Toy From Spencer's Gifts Becomes Your Life Coach

I handed every decision — lunch, laundry, whether to respond to my landlord — to a Magic 8 Ball for one full week. What followed was a descent into chaos documented with receipts, screenshots, and one deeply regrettable haircut.
My Voice Assistant Held Me Hostage for Seven Days: A Full Incident Report
Experiments

My Voice Assistant Held Me Hostage for Seven Days: A Full Incident Report

I handed my smart speaker total control of my schedule, shopping list, and dignity for one full week. It booked me a dental cleaning at 4:45 AM and developed an unsettling enthusiasm for yarn. Here's the damage assessment.
The January Gym Ecosystem: A Field Guide to Who's Still Coming in March
Workplace

The January Gym Ecosystem: A Field Guide to Who's Still Coming in March

Every January, the gym transforms into a bustling wildlife preserve of resolutionists, and the regulars must adapt or perish. We've cataloged every species on the floor and assigned each one scientifically fabricated odds of surviving until spring.
We Seeded 64 Passive-Aggressive Email Phrases Into a Tournament Bracket and Crowned a Champion of Anxiety
Workplace

We Seeded 64 Passive-Aggressive Email Phrases Into a Tournament Bracket and Crowned a Champion of Anxiety

Sixty-four phrases. One bracket. Zero direct communication. We ran the first-ever FunChoke Passive-Aggression Championship to determine which email phrase does the most psychological damage per syllable.
Free Food, No Judgement: Costco Sample Guys Spill Their Wildest Customer Confessions
Experiments

Free Food, No Judgement: Costco Sample Guys Spill Their Wildest Customer Confessions

We sat down with the men and women behind the little folding tables to learn what really happens at the sample station. Spoiler: someone once faked a fainting spell for a second meatball, and the sample guy saw everything.
Experiments

Certified 100% Accurate: A Field Guide to the Local Weatherman Who Has Never Once Been Wrong

We spent a week studying local TV meteorologists the way scientists study deep-sea creatures: with awe, confusion, and a strong desire to never get that close. Here's our official rubric for identifying these magnificent, unaccountable creatures in the wild.