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I handed my smart speaker total control of my schedule, shopping list, and dignity for one full week. It booked me a dental cleaning at 4:45 AM and developed an unsettling enthusiasm for yarn. Here's the damage assessment.
We sat down with the men and women behind the little folding tables to learn what really happens at the sample station. Spoiler: someone once faked a fainting spell for a second meatball, and the sample guy saw everything.
We spent a week studying local TV meteorologists the way scientists study deep-sea creatures: with awe, confusion, and a strong desire to never get that close. Here's our official rubric for identifying these magnificent, unaccountable creatures in the wild.
Somewhere between Tulsa and Terre Haute, our writer spent $23.87 on the most aggressively forgettable snacks America has to offer. Here's the definitive ranking, complete with Choke Risk ratings and a tearful defense of why we'll buy all of these again next week.
One writer, ten viral hacks, zero adult supervision. From a microwave 'cleaning miracle' that nearly triggered the fire alarm to a pancake hack that violated several laws of physics, here's the definitive FunChoke ranking of what actually works — and what belongs in the digital landfill.